"The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation
to dinner without giving an excuse."
- Jules Renard, The Journal of Jules Renard
When your world unexpectedly falls apart, it's an opportunity to put your life back together, piece by piece, deliberately and with intention, discarding the things that no longer fit (or never actually did). But this time the materials with which the foundation of your life is built are hand-selected by you and only you - and therefore indestructible. There is nothing in your life, including people, who are there because they 'should be' or 'have to be', or because you feel like you have no choice but to include them. In your newly constructed existence, there is no such thing as an obligatory action or person.
To me, this is true freedom and in being free, the potential for happiness is exponential and limitless. Ultimately, the human spirit longs for that freedom...and although we don't always realize it, the powerful influences of society and the people around us, although well-intended most of the time, are in direct opposition to the fulfillment of this longing for freedom virtually from the moment we are born.
It's difficult at first to accept that we do have a choice, that we do in fact have total control over our own destiny. We resist by saying, "But I have to do this" and "I am obligated to do that" - but I would argue that this is just an illusion that we are gradually taught to buy into from our first days on earth. By the time we become adults this illusion of obligation has become our perceived reality and we fully believe it to be true.
When you experience a catastrophic event and the world as you know it crumbles around you, you are often the recipient of some pretty earth-shattering insights. The most significant for me was that I was putting an insane amount of pressure on myself to do things I didn't really want to do but felt I had no choice but to do them. I was allowing friends to choose me, instead of the other way around, and I felt unable to say no, to set boundaries and to be honest about my needs. I craved acceptance and would sacrifice my own well being in order to avoid judgement or criticism from the people around me.
Basically, I had a set of long-established beliefs about myself, about others and about life itself that I was one-hundred percent committed to and never thought to question. I was shocked to find out that most of the beliefs that had been guiding me for 43 years were basically incorrect, based upon the false premises, assumptions and opinions of others.
Even though living with Lyme, or chronic illness of any kind, can often make you feel like a prisoner in your own body, ironically I have never felt more free. As I have slowly put my life back together, piece by piece, I realize how much of it was being lived according to other people's ideas and opinions about what I should do or what I had to do and how many decisions or choices were made based upon guilt and/or perceived false beliefs.
The problem with that approach is multi-dimensional. First, if you feel forced to do something, whether it be a family obligation or having lunch with someone you don't enjoy, your lack of authenticity will always shine through...and everyone loses. When you are being genuine, people feel it and respond with appreciation and warmth. But when there is no feeling behind your gesture, they feel that too and respond accordingly - and you end up feeling unappreciated, drained and annoyed. Lose-lose.
No more. Now I give myself permission to do only the things I want to do, things that I feel inclined to do on a gut level. If it doesn't feel right, if my ego is involved in any way, I don't do it. Period. And let me tell you, it's a HUGE relief.
When you live your life from a place of love and compassion, doing what you truly want to do and being honest about the things you don't want to do while setting appropriate boundaries with others, your life improves exponentially. It's a win-win. I highly recommend it, not only for your emotional well-being but for your physical health as well. The mind-body connection cannot be ignored - it's so powerful!
The problem with that approach is multi-dimensional. First, if you feel forced to do something, whether it be a family obligation or having lunch with someone you don't enjoy, your lack of authenticity will always shine through...and everyone loses. When you are being genuine, people feel it and respond with appreciation and warmth. But when there is no feeling behind your gesture, they feel that too and respond accordingly - and you end up feeling unappreciated, drained and annoyed. Lose-lose.
No more. Now I give myself permission to do only the things I want to do, things that I feel inclined to do on a gut level. If it doesn't feel right, if my ego is involved in any way, I don't do it. Period. And let me tell you, it's a HUGE relief.
When you live your life from a place of love and compassion, doing what you truly want to do and being honest about the things you don't want to do while setting appropriate boundaries with others, your life improves exponentially. It's a win-win. I highly recommend it, not only for your emotional well-being but for your physical health as well. The mind-body connection cannot be ignored - it's so powerful!
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