Welch's Grape Juice, Where Have You Been All My Life?

This is a love letter of sorts, albeit an unconventional one, but a love letter nonetheless.  The object of my affection: Welch's 100% Concord Grape Juice.  Yep, you heard me correctly.  I am in love with grape juice.

To know me well is to know this well: I do not like barf.  Actually, I hate barf.  With a passion.  Not just hate - I fear barf.  I have an intense and debilitating fear of vomit and/or vomiting and anything related to said vomit (i.e. nausea, gagging, coughing or any sounds that sound like someone barfing, hospitals where people might be barfing, roller coasters with possible barfers, barf bags in airplanes, people barfing in airplanes, people barfing anywhere, people with heat stroke in line at The Oprah Winfrey Show in an unusually warm February in Chicago who barf directly in front of me - you get the idea).  I shudder as I write these words.

This is not an exaggeration.  I have had this fear my entire life.  I do not remember a time that I did not live in fear of barf.  I have vivid memories from my childhood of lying in bed, paralyzed with fear and praying with all my heart and soul not to throw up, even offering God all sorts of things in return for not vomiting.  I know this may sound strange to most people but I am truly terrified to throw up and to be anywhere near anyone else who is experiencing the slightest twinge of nausea.  The mere mention of it will send me into a full on panic attack.

If I happen to be unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of vomit and see it, hear it, or smell it, (gasp!) I will take off running faster than poop through a goose.  If you don't believe me, just ask my best friend Jessie or my sister Christie...they have lots of good stories on this topic, most of which are quite comical in retrospect.  But at the time I was seriously traumatized.

When I became a mom, I knew I could no longer avoid the dreaded vomit.  Unless my kids were superhuman, they were inevitably going to throw up at some point - and I was going to have to deal.  Not only that, but I was going to have deal without my usual crying, hysterical panic attack in order to avoid traumatizing my poor babies and creating more puke-phobics.  Trust me, I spent many a sleepless night trying to figure out how exactly I was going to navigate this particular predicament.

I have always felt that my issue with vomit falls into the category of a true phobia.  My husband, on the other hand, has always scoffed at this notion and accuses me of being overly dramatic about my aversion to barf.  "Nobody likes it", he argues. "Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you have a phobia." Well, guess what?  The struggle is REAL!  It is actually a form of panic disorder and it has a name...emetophobia!

Emetophobia: an intense, irrational fear or anxiety pertaining to vomiting.  This specific phobia can also include subcategories of what causes the anxiety, including a fear of vomiting in public (check!), a fear of seeing vomit (check!), a fear of watching the action of vomiting (check!) or fear of being nauseated (check!).  

Yes!  Check to all of the above. Total vindication.  So now that we've established the fact that I am definitely "emetophobic", let's get to the good news: I think I may have stumbled upon...wait for it....a possible preventative and theraputic measure, or even, dare I say it....CURE for the dreaded, most heinous of all things that exist on this planet: the stomach flu.

Last Tuesday night, my 10-year old daughter Sofia woke me at 4am to tell me that she had thrown up and "didn't make it to the toilet". Needless to say, these were not words I enjoy hearing.  Since having kids, I have learned to be a pretty good actress and managed to hold it together for her sake.  Seriously, a mother's love knows no bounds - only for my child could I endure the agony of cleaning up vomit.  I held my breath and did what I needed to do while simultaneously envisioning my other two children joining in on the fun at any moment.  Occasionally, I would allow the most horrific thought of all to enter my consciousness...I think you know what I mean.  As you can imagine by now, this whole thing is my idea of hell on earth.  In my head, I was screaming "Help me! Please help me! I am not equipped for this!".

By some miracle we survived the night with no more casualties, but poor little Sofia did not stop throwing up/dry heaving for 12 straight hours - she couldn't even keep ice chips down.  I became obsessed with sanitizing my house, cleaning surfaces, washing linens like a mad woman and turning on both of my UV air purifiers at full blast.  Unfortunately I was well aware that these practices had been strictly adhered to in the past with results that were in a word, unsuccessful. To put it mildly.  Mass vomitus always ensued.  I was doomed.

I almost gave up hope until I stumbled upon a miraculous little nugget of information that would change everything and restore peace in my world.  According to many, many moms out there in this amazing thing we call the world wide web, there is a sure-fire way to prevent the stomach flu from wreaking havoc on your life...Welch's 100% Grape Juice.  Here's one of the testimonials I found online:

http://musthavemom.com/2012/01/stomp-out-stomach-flu-with-grape-juice.html

Of course, I immediately ran out and bought several jugs of the stuff and forced it down my family's throats (not hard since it actually tastes pretty good and I don't usually let them drink juice).   Well, it's now one week later and no sign of vomit anywhere!!  (I really hope I didn't just jinx myself...) I simply cannot believe I have lived almost 45 years without the benefit of this information!!!

I LOVE YOU WELCH'S GRAPE JUICE!!!!

Although it might be premature to declare victory, I just had to share this because I know that even parents who aren't afflicted with emetophobia don't enjoy it when the stomach flu decides to pay their household a visit.

No need to thank me...a world with less barf is the only thanks I need. :-)

2015: That's a Wrap

"The essential lesson I've learned in life is to just be yourself.  Treasure the magnificent being that you are and recognize first and foremost you're not here as a human being only.  

You're a spiritual being having a human experience." 

                                                                   - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer (1940-2015)

When I think about where I was a year ago, I can't believe how far I've come and how many important lessons were crammed into a mere twelve months time.  In many ways, it was the worst of years, and yet simultaneously the best, most significant year of my life.  Basically, it was a real doozy.

And although I can't say I was all that sad to wrap it up, 2015 brought with it many gifts that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  I advance confidently into 2016 feeling transformed, invigorated, excited for the future and most importantly, I feel free - free to be who I am without pause or hesitation and I accept myself completely, as I am, flaws and all.

Here are my Top Twenty Best Lessons of 2015:

20. It's not about what happens to us in life...it's about how we react to it.  Successful, happy people make the most out of every situation and circumstance that comes their way.

19. It's more important to be kind than right.

18. Changing the way you look at things changes everything.

17. When you follow your bliss, you will find your passion.  Your passion is your purpose and everyone has one.  Everyone.  Find yours.

16. Happiness does not necessarily follow success, but success almost always follows happiness.

15. Being of service to others creates happiness and satisfaction in your life beyond measure.

14. What other people think of you is none of your business.

13. The greatest, most profound gifts come from life's most devastating and challenging struggles.

12. Sometimes the entire house of cards has to come crashing down in order to rebuild it stronger and better than it was before.

11. Trust your intuition to guide you in the right direction - do not let other people's thoughts and beliefs control your life, including those in positions of authority.  You know yourself better than anyone else so trust your instincts.  Avoid 'shoulds' and 'have to's' at all costs.  You don't have to do anything.

10. Guilt and fear are useless emotions.  Get rid of them.

9. It is not your place to judge other people - they are on a journey you know nothing about.  When you judge others, you only define yourself.

8. Things are not always as they seem.

7. Kindness and compassion are everything.  Be kind as much as possible.

6. We all come from the same place - we are all One.

5. Be open to everything and attached to nothing.

4. We must first love and accept ourselves before we can love and accept others.

3. Critical, judgmental people are only revealing the criticisms and judgments they give to themselves and are most likely in need of the most compassion.

2. There is always hope.  Always.  Nothing is a done deal or a lost cause.  Never give up.  There is sunshine behind those clouds.

1. Be fearless.  All is well.

There are many, many more but these are the ones that stand out for me.  Hello 2016, I can't wait to see what you have in store for me this year...

Happy New Year to all!!

Truth

I just saw the movie "Concussion" with Will Smith.  First of all, I commend Will for having the courage to take this role - I'm sure there was major pressure not to from many different powers that be. The clear message in the movie was that human lives matter and that we must not be afraid to speak up for what we know to be true.

So once again I will subject myself to the possibility of ridicule, judgement, being called crazy... whatever you want to say about me, bring it on.  You are misguided and your ignorance does not and will not define me. Because I know the truth and I must speak up for those who are too damn sick to speak for themselves.

People are being subjected to insane suffering, families are being destroyed and financially devastated and sick people are not getting the help they so desperately need and deserve. These people are mothers, daughters, sisters, fathers, aunts, cousins, uncles - they are your fellow human beings many in your own communities.  And they are being dehumanized and treated like their lives are worth nothing by the very people who are supposed to be helping them.  I just can't stand by and watch this horror take place before my very eyes without feeling compelled to shout it from the rooftops until someone finally hears me.

How do I know this?  Because I am living it, along with many, many others, some have become my dear friends, Many are much sicker than I am.  We support, encourage and love each other because no one else will. Without them I'm not sure where I'd be.

So even though I'm getting well, I will not desert my friends.  I will continue to speak up for them until the day comes when the truth finally comes out, medical care for Chronic Lyme Disease patients is covered by insurance companies (because currently it is not covered AT ALL) and there is money being put toward research to find a cure for this devastating disease.  Most people would be surprised to learn that many Lyme sufferers are travelling to Germany and other countries for treatment that is not available in the U.S. - I know several people personally - which costs thousands and thousands of dollars all out of pocket.  I often wonder about the people who don't have extra money to spend on treatments - what do they do?  I have heard of many, many people going into debt, losing their homes, losing pretty much everything.  How can this be happening in this country in this day and age?  It literally blows my mind.

And there are people that KNOW this is all going on and are choosing to turn a blind eye because they are scared.  They are afraid of losing their jobs and of being discredited in their professions, they are afraid of how it would affect their families if they were to speak up.  I get that, I really do.  I feel the same way.  But this just perpetuates the problem.  We cannot allow ourselves to be intimidated because Lyme disease sufferers have families too - and they used to have lives until Lyme stole them from them.  Their current lives look nothing like they did before.

For anyone out there who still questions the validity of a massive cover-up regarding Chronic Lyme Disease and it's co-infections (including Morgellons Disease which is most likely Bartonella) by the CDC, AMA, Big Pharma, the FDA and other powers that be with skin in the game, I implore you to go see "Concussion", a powerful film depicting the true story of an amazing courageous doctor who took his oath seriously and spoke the truth that he knew to be true.  He put his patients first and put everything in his life on the line for the sake of morality and basic human decency.  It's the story of intentional deceit, deception and corruption to the detriment of human lives for money, power and most importantly, because people were afraid to speak up.  We cannot be intimidated and allow fear to stop us from speak the truth any longer.

I ask you this question: if massive cover-ups have happened before, not only in the case of the NFL, but also within the Catholic Church and many others in the history of this country and the world, why is it so hard for people to believe that it is happening right now with regard to Lyme Disease???

I encourage you to see this movie,.  Maybe it will open your mind to the possibility that the thousands of people across the world who are desperately ill are not crazy or making it up.  Maybe they are telling the truth.

I believe there will be a similar movie made about the Lyme Disease cover-up in the not so distant future and I intend to live to see it.

This is for you Christine Schulz Ramos,
Oriana K. Schatan, Bennie Le Bourvellec, Shirley Collenette, Staci Koch and all of the other Lyme sufferers out there too sick to speak for themselves.  I love you, I support you and I will never give up on you - never!

Connection vs. Distraction

"If you want to feel connected to your own purpose, know this for certain:

Your purpose will only be found in service to others, and in being 

connected to the something far greater than your mind/body/ego."

                                                  - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

The process of trying to heal my body has been a journey, one that I am still on, but I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to the ultimate goal of restoring not only my physical health, but my psychological, emotional and spiritual health as well.  I truly believe that they are all connected and that we must address all areas in order achieve this goal, and in doing so, the result will far exceed any expectation of what that might look and feel like.  It's a wellness beyond what we could have comprehended or imagined before the health crisis, or any other crisis in one's life for that matter, began.

Recently, I have received some clarity in one concept in particular, one that was especially difficult for me to wrap my brain around when this journey began...it's the concept of self-love.  I thought that in sharing what I have learned over the past several months it might help other people understand it a little better because in my experience it can be a bit confusing and misleading.

You hear people talk about how all of your problems will be solved if you just learn to love yourself.  You read books about it, see lectures on it, listen to podcasts and say affirmations in the mirror (which at first feel very, very silly) but still it seems like such an elusive idea, one that sounds so simple but nobody really tells you HOW to go about achieving this incredible feat.  

You are told that it has nothing to do with your physical self - it's this inner spiritual self that you need to embrace to experience true self-love and acceptance. For me, I didn't know how to even find my essence, much less love it. I was looking for a step by step instruction booklet and I couldn't seem to find one!  I read lots of books on it, like Louise Hay's "Heal Your Life" which helped a lot.  Louise recommend doing daily affirmations, like I mentioned above, and to just keep saying it until you feel it.  I struggled with this - I could say the words but I didn't really believe the words I was saying.  

Here's what I finally figured out: Yes, it's all about self-love....but in order to love yourself you must first know yourself.  And in order to know yourself, you must find your purpose in this life, the reason you were put on this planet - and I believe that everyone has one.  Once this is achieved, and you finally see your true self for the first time, self-love is inevitable.  Your essence is so pure and beautiful, even to you, that it's impossible not to love.

So now you are probably asking, "Okay, that's all fine and good, but how do I do that?  How do I figure out who I am and what my purpose is on this earth?".  I think the answer is in connection - to everyone and everything - and that our biggest roadblock to connection is distraction.  Distraction is the enemy, in my opinion.  I define distraction as anything external or internal that prevents us from listing to our inner voice, that feeling of knowing that can only be heard if you turn off the voices in your head, block out the outside world and turn inward.  

Now I guess some would call this meditating - but the word 'meditation' was always very intimidating to me and maybe it is to you, too.  Meditating does not just have to be sitting on the floor with legs crossed, arms outstretched and candles burning,   To me, mediating is just connecting with other people in a genuine way, being in nature and noticing with wonderment all of the miracles taking place, being truly mindful and in the moment.  I know this sounds like something you've heard a million times before - but I'm telling you, it works.

Connection is also achieved when we are of service to others, and this can vary from offering a stranger a kind word to volunteering in a homeless shelter and everything in between.  It can even be in the form of simply smiling at someone as they walk by.  It's doesn't have to be major and it doesn't have to be complicated.  The more we complicate things, the more difficult things seem and the less likely we are to do them.  

Once I started to block out other people's thoughts and opinions, free myself of guilt, resentment, anger, judgement and all of the 'should's' and 'have to's' that society tells us we must adhere to and focus on kindness and compassion to others, connection just happened naturally.  And once connection starting happening on a regular basis, the answers just started flowing.  I know it sounds way too simplistic but I'm here to tell you that it's that simple!

I think that we, as human beings, make life way too complicated and difficult.  Imagine that life is a river, with currents and roaring rapids.  If a strong current comes along and you fight against it, you will eventually drown.  But if you don't panic and just relax into the rapid and the flow of the water, all will be well...all of the sudden things will start falling into place and and your life will start to work.  The irony is that it's so much harder to fight it - and yet we keep fighting the current, the life force, and making it so much harder on ourselves.  Lean into the life force and it will gently guide you in the direction of your purpose...and you will see yourself for the glorious, spiritual being you really are.  Because after all, as Pierre Teilhard de Chardin so wisely put it: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience."  I love that quote - it makes so much sense to me!

So that's my advice - maybe I'm just regurgitating what countless others have said before me but sometimes hearing something again in a slightly different way can make the light bulb go on.  And maybe not.  

Either way, Happy New Year to all!  I have a feeling good things are to come all around in 2016...it's gonna be a great year.

xxxxx

liz