The Only Person Out to Get You Is You

"When you change the way you look at things, 

the things you look at change."

                                 - Dr. Wayne Dyer 

I have found that one of the most difficult challenges we face in life is to, without exception, take complete and total responsibility for the circumstances in our lives.  But I also know that once we are able to overcome this great challenge, our lives will inevitably become better and we will be able to experience it in a way that we never thought possible.  It's not that our problems magically disappear; it's that we are able to see clearly what we need to do to remove obstacles and become co-creators in the life we have only dreamed about.

Taking responsibilty for the circumstances in our lives can be extremely daunting.  Instinctively, when things go wrong and we feel disappointed, betrayed, hurt or frustrated, we instantly want someone to blame.  We want to believe that it's not our fault and that we are simply victims in a cruel, heartless and unforgiving world.  We throw ourselves a great big pity party and feel perfectly justified in drowning our sorrrows in whatever makes us feel temporarily better.  But that's the problem - the relief we get is only temporary and when it wears off we feel even worse.

The result is a sense of helplessness and hopelessness that feeds on itself in an endless loop of despair and from that vantage point there seems to be no way out.  Trust me, I've been there and it's no fun.  As long as we continue to self-identify as victims, we are stuck in the muck, like the wheels of an SUV spinning in the mud.  We find ourselves in this place of limbo, going nowhere, filled with anxiety, shame and so much confusion that we don't know which way is up.  We are miserable and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

This can apply to virtually anything that shows up in our lives, including relationship problems, financial issues, heartbreak, and even illness.  Whatever it is, it's there for a reason and until we let go of the victim mentality and figure out why, the solution will continue to elude us.

Taking resposibility for what we attract into our lives is not about beating ourselves up or self-inflicting fault or blame (that will only make things worse) - it's about coming to the realization that we have the power to change what we don't like and that victimhood is only an illusion designed to provide a false sense of security and to protect our very fragile egos.

Everything in life is in a constant state of change, of transition.  Consequently, there really is no such thing as security and, therefore, this, too, is only an illusion.  There are no guarantees that what or who we have in our life today will still exist tomorrow and yet we tell ourselves that the opposite is true.  It's not until we lose something dear to us that we realize it's transience and impermanance.  Our very deepest levels of consciencousness know this and this is why we live in a constant state of fear of losing what we have.

The world around us is set up to validate and reinforce the illusion that we are all victims who don't have the power to help ourselves, that we must always look externally to solve the problems that plague us.  We are bombarded daily by the media and by every facet of society with the idea that certain things outside of ourselves are absolutely necessary for our survival and wellbeing and that without them we will suffer or perish.  This message is delivered loud and clear from the time we are very young and we become absolutely convinced of it by the time we reach adulthood.  As a result, we lose the innate awareness of inner power and self-realiance with which we are born.

When we are sick, we believe doctors have all of the answers.  When we are depressed or anxious, we look to therapists to help.  When we feel lonely or insecure, we seek comfort in other people rather than turning inward.  When we feel empty, we try to fill ourselves up with material items, addictions, distractions of all kinds - anything to avoid being alone with our emotions.  By becoming dependent on these things that are inherently temporary, we set ourselves up for a major fall.  The only way to avoid this, or to crawl out of the giant hole we have fallen into, is to turn inward and recognize our own power, our own magnificence and to take back the reigns that we had unknowingly given up long ago.

When I began to recognize the role I had played in my own illness, it was a hard pill to swallow.  It took me a long time to admit to myself that there are no victims in this world, that I had indeed attracted into my life every single thing that I was experiencing.  I had to dig deep and unpack all of my "stuff" into a gigantic pile of horse manure and sort through it piece by piece.  At first I was really hard on myself, but as the process continued I realized how counterproductive that is and I began to treat myself with the same amount of compassion and kindness I would offer someone that I loved.

We must recognize that as human beings we are imperfect and will inevitably make mistakes - lots of them.  We will find ourselves in situations that we never planned on and would never choose if given the choice.  But we also must recognize that we always get what we need in order to advance to that next level of awareness that is required for us to understand and fulfill our purpose in this lifetime, which is the only thing that will bring us lasting peace.