Be The Peace

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, 

people will forget what you did, 

but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Maya Angelou said that and she was so right...but how often do we honestly consider how we make the people around us feel in our daily lives? How often do we ask ourselves what type of energy we are projecting out into the universe on a day-to-day basis? How much time do we spend contemplating how we, as individuals, impact the rest of humanity? Not nearly enough, in my opinion.

The fact is that every single person's energetic contributions, positive or negative, are significant and impactful on the whole, therefore we must all choose responsibly and stop placing blame externally. In each moment, we must all choose peace.

If we truly want peace, we must first BE the peace. We must become the embodiment of peace, in every sense of the word, with no exceptions and no excuses, recognizing that there are no justified resentments. 

Angry speech and indignant rhetoric does little to increase peacefulness in this world - instead it only adds to the divisiveness, chaos and hatred that is so pervasive right now. 

Peace is an attitude we can all choose in any given moment. Peace is all about giving up the ego-driven need to be right and instead choosing be kind, compassionate and loving. 

Peace means seeking to understand those with opinions that differ from our own instead of responding with judgement and condemnation. Peace is the ability to see beauty in everyone and everything. 

When we make the choice to be peaceful, we profoundly impact and elevate the level of peacefulness in every circumstance or challenge we face and in every single person who surrounds us. If we truly want things to improve, it's our responsibility to radiate out to the world that which we seek: peace. 

I keep hearing how unhappy people are with what is going on in our world currently and I watch as those same people, in their effort to promote peace, unintentionally create more conflict and drive us further and further away from understanding one another which is an essential element in developing the peace we all desire. 

I think it's important to remember that thinking alike is not a requirement for peace. Peace is always possible but first we must all take responsibility for our own words and actions and make sure that each one of us is contributing to peace and not detracting from it. We must all become peace and only then will we experience the bliss that only peace can bring. 

It is an irrefutable fact that deep down, at our core, we all want the same thing: peace, harmony, to love and be loved, to be accepted and free to be who we truly are, to have meaning in our lives. The very fact that we were born is proof of that. Without peace, none of the other things can exist. 

We are all born with a spark, the essence of who we are, a manifestation of peace and divine love. Wayne Dyer once described it as a flame burning within us that may dim but never goes out completely. He said that in order to keep this flame burning brightly, we must focus on it and provide it with the peace and harmony that it craves and requires. 

As humans, we can sometimes get caught up in our emotions or ego and lose sight of the end game. When this happens, we must take notice and return our focus to the beautiful flame burning within. 

Before you speak, act, respond or post to social media...ask yourself this simple question: Am I contributing to the achievement of a peaceful world or just adding to the chaos and negativity? Because the only way to achieve peace is through peace. This I know for sure.

The Only Person Out to Get You Is You

"When you change the way you look at things, 

the things you look at change."

                                 - Dr. Wayne Dyer 

I have found that one of the most difficult challenges we face in life is to, without exception, take complete and total responsibility for the circumstances in our lives.  But I also know that once we are able to overcome this great challenge, our lives will inevitably become better and we will be able to experience it in a way that we never thought possible.  It's not that our problems magically disappear; it's that we are able to see clearly what we need to do to remove obstacles and become co-creators in the life we have only dreamed about.

Taking responsibilty for the circumstances in our lives can be extremely daunting.  Instinctively, when things go wrong and we feel disappointed, betrayed, hurt or frustrated, we instantly want someone to blame.  We want to believe that it's not our fault and that we are simply victims in a cruel, heartless and unforgiving world.  We throw ourselves a great big pity party and feel perfectly justified in drowning our sorrrows in whatever makes us feel temporarily better.  But that's the problem - the relief we get is only temporary and when it wears off we feel even worse.

The result is a sense of helplessness and hopelessness that feeds on itself in an endless loop of despair and from that vantage point there seems to be no way out.  Trust me, I've been there and it's no fun.  As long as we continue to self-identify as victims, we are stuck in the muck, like the wheels of an SUV spinning in the mud.  We find ourselves in this place of limbo, going nowhere, filled with anxiety, shame and so much confusion that we don't know which way is up.  We are miserable and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

This can apply to virtually anything that shows up in our lives, including relationship problems, financial issues, heartbreak, and even illness.  Whatever it is, it's there for a reason and until we let go of the victim mentality and figure out why, the solution will continue to elude us.

Taking resposibility for what we attract into our lives is not about beating ourselves up or self-inflicting fault or blame (that will only make things worse) - it's about coming to the realization that we have the power to change what we don't like and that victimhood is only an illusion designed to provide a false sense of security and to protect our very fragile egos.

Everything in life is in a constant state of change, of transition.  Consequently, there really is no such thing as security and, therefore, this, too, is only an illusion.  There are no guarantees that what or who we have in our life today will still exist tomorrow and yet we tell ourselves that the opposite is true.  It's not until we lose something dear to us that we realize it's transience and impermanance.  Our very deepest levels of consciencousness know this and this is why we live in a constant state of fear of losing what we have.

The world around us is set up to validate and reinforce the illusion that we are all victims who don't have the power to help ourselves, that we must always look externally to solve the problems that plague us.  We are bombarded daily by the media and by every facet of society with the idea that certain things outside of ourselves are absolutely necessary for our survival and wellbeing and that without them we will suffer or perish.  This message is delivered loud and clear from the time we are very young and we become absolutely convinced of it by the time we reach adulthood.  As a result, we lose the innate awareness of inner power and self-realiance with which we are born.

When we are sick, we believe doctors have all of the answers.  When we are depressed or anxious, we look to therapists to help.  When we feel lonely or insecure, we seek comfort in other people rather than turning inward.  When we feel empty, we try to fill ourselves up with material items, addictions, distractions of all kinds - anything to avoid being alone with our emotions.  By becoming dependent on these things that are inherently temporary, we set ourselves up for a major fall.  The only way to avoid this, or to crawl out of the giant hole we have fallen into, is to turn inward and recognize our own power, our own magnificence and to take back the reigns that we had unknowingly given up long ago.

When I began to recognize the role I had played in my own illness, it was a hard pill to swallow.  It took me a long time to admit to myself that there are no victims in this world, that I had indeed attracted into my life every single thing that I was experiencing.  I had to dig deep and unpack all of my "stuff" into a gigantic pile of horse manure and sort through it piece by piece.  At first I was really hard on myself, but as the process continued I realized how counterproductive that is and I began to treat myself with the same amount of compassion and kindness I would offer someone that I loved.

We must recognize that as human beings we are imperfect and will inevitably make mistakes - lots of them.  We will find ourselves in situations that we never planned on and would never choose if given the choice.  But we also must recognize that we always get what we need in order to advance to that next level of awareness that is required for us to understand and fulfill our purpose in this lifetime, which is the only thing that will bring us lasting peace.

You Had The Power All Along, My Dear

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over 

to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us."

                                           - Pema Chödrön

On this day, forty-six years ago in a hospital in San Jose, California my journey began.  I woke up this morning and realized that the greatest birthday gift I could give myself would be to start writing again.  I've been in a funk lately, feeling "stuck", frustrated and uninspired.  For some reason, I tend to write more when I'm in a good place, although given it's therapeutic effect on me, writing may just be what I needed to get unstuck.

Part of my frustration stems from the fact that my recovery from Chronic Lyme Disease had sort of stalled.  I wasn't getting any worse, but I also wasn't getting any better and it felt like my life had been put on hold.  I was living my life in black and white, getting through the day but not really experiencing much joy or pleasure.  I was feeling pretty close to giving up and some days I wondered if this was as good as it was going to get.

My family was worried about me. I was worried about me.  Nobody knew how to help me.  I felt myself sinking into the darkness again and I couldn't remember how to find the light.  In desperation, my father purchased a psychic healing from a medical intuitive he had heard on the radio.  She sent me some music and instructed me to listen to it and mediate as much as possible for the next 7 days.  The music was powerful and heavenly in the literal sense - like if you visited heaven these are the sounds you would hear.

The first few times I listened to it I immediately became very emotional, which, I was told, indicated that I was open and ready to recieve the information needed for my healing to take place.  Slowly, over the course of the next couple days, I began to see the light again and trust my own intuitive instincts on how to proceed.  It's actually hard to put the experience into words but the gist of it is that I could feel myself being lifted out of the darkness and into the light.  I felt lighter and more hopeful than I had in months.  It felt miraculous and yet subtle at the same time.  It reminded me of the line from "The Wizard of Oz" when Glinda, the Good Witch, tells Dorothy, "You had the power to find your way home all along, my dear."  I simply needed to be reminded that the power to heal myself and to stay in the light has always been accessible to me...sometimes I just had trouble remembering how to find it.

It was during that week that I picked up a book from my shelf that I had started to read but never finished called "How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can" by Amy Scher.  Amy had been in same situation and had managed to achieve 100% recovery from Chronic Lyme Disease.  A large part of her recovery was achieved through the clearing of unresolved traumatic emotional experiences and subconcious beliefs that were no longer serving her and may have even been hindering her recovery.

The first time I started reading the book, I didn't completely buy into the fact that my emotions or beliefs could possibly be affecting my health in such a significant way.  I also felt that I had done so much work in the areas of forgiveness, releasing fear, anger and resentment, trying not to worry about what other people think of me and trying to remain grateful and optimistic that this didn't really apply to me.  Wrong!

Here's the thing...the stuff that's affecting you the most is also the stuff you aren't totally conscious of.  For example, you may think one particular traumatic experience is the issue when really it just triggered the root experience which you may not even be aware of and until you resolve it your recovery will continue to elude you.  Also, (and this was a tough one for me to swallow) you may have certain unconscious beliefs that are actually preventing your body from getting well.  These beliefs may seem ridiculous at first but if you keep an open heart and mind, the truth will resonate with you and you will know exactly what is holding you back.

According to Amy, the human body is absolutely capable and even designed to heal itself but it simply cannot and will not heal until you are able to stop fighting and relax completely.  It makes perfect sense if you think about the idea of "fight or flight".  When your body is under stress or senses danger, it goes into survival mode.  Under these conditions, it does not feel safe enough to heal.  It releases stress hormones which over time will wreak absolute havoc on all of our bodily systems.  Our bodies were not designed to be in that mode for extended periods of time - continuous stress for days, months, and years is a recipe for disaster.  It's just a matter of time before your body rebels and starts to shut down.

The onset of most illnesses is almost always preceded by a period of extended stress or extreme emotional trauma.  In cases of Chronic Lyme Disease, I would venture to guess that this is true 99.9% of the time.  Lyme can lie almost dormant in your system for years and years (in my case over 20 years), only producing subtle, low-grade symptoms which are easily brushed off and attributed to a multitude of other things.  All it takes is one big emotionally taxing upset and boom!  You are down for the count.

Because it is so controversial, sufferers of Chronic Lyme experience even more trauma when friends, family and doctors don't believe them and claim they are making the whole thing up in their heads.  Add to that the extreme terror that sets in when diagnosed with a disease that is not acknowledged by most mainstream medical doctors, not covered by insurance and considered incurable.  Is there any doubt as to why so many of us can't get well?  

In my case, prior to getting acutely ill, I had endured a particularly painful, traumatic experience involving certain people in my life whom I had genuinely cared for very much and trusted completely for many years.  What transpired brought to light many revelations that were very difficult for me to understand and digest because these relationships turned out not to be what I thought they were.  Nothing was what it seemed and to this day I still grapple with unanswered questions and feelings of great sadness and betrayal.  My entire world was turned upside down and it made me question everything and everyone in my life, including my judgement about the people I choose to surround myself with.

Although I thought I had processed this experience and moved beyond it, what I realized is that it had triggered in me an even deeper, older hurt that I had never really gotten over.  I knew I had to process and clear it before I could get well.  I also uncovered some subconscious beliefs that weren't doing me any favors either!  This doesn't happen overnight and I'm still working on it but I'm making progress and seeing some favorable results.

I made it my mission to talk to as many people as possible who have fully recovered from Chronic Lyme Disease.  Every single one of them says the same thing: do not identify with the disease (you are not your disease) and you must address the body, the mind AND the spirit if you want to reclaim your health completely.  If you ignore one of them or don't fully address the issues in one or two of the areas, your chances for success will be greatly dampened.  Mind, body and spirit are fully and permanently intertwined and must all be balanced in order to achieve complete and lasting wellness.

Many people believe that the root cause of all illness, including cancer, is fear.  Anita Moorjani, in her book "Dying To Be Me", recounts her miraculous near-death experience in which her body had been riddled with cancer and she literally died - she was actually on the other side.  While there, she learned that her cancer had been caused by a deep-seated fear of being free to be her true self and still be loved and a deep fear of not measuring up, not being good enough, not being lovable.  She had felt her whole life that in order to be loved she must be perfect in every way and she killed herself (literally) trying to achieve the unattainable.

Anita had believed that if she allowed the world see her true self, the essence of who she was, she would not be accepted and valued.  She was told that if she released this fear and learned to love herself unconditionally and allow the world to see her unique magnificance, her cancer would be cured. And that's exactly what happened!  The emotional component to physical illness cannot be underestimated or ignored.  The message is simple: stop being perfect and start being you.

Fear is complex and can literally hold you hostage.  If you really think about it, the idea that there can ever be true security in life is just an illusion we create in our minds to avoid feeling fear.  But in reality, we know that everything which appears will also disappear.  Everything and everyone is always in a constant state of transition.  As human beings, we have a tendency resist, and even reject, change even though  we know that it is necessary in order for us to evolve.  We spend a lot of time lamenting the past and wishing we could go back in time and either relive old memories or do things differently when instead we should be living in the present and enjoying every moment of the "now" we have left.

Raising children is a perfect example...I get so nastalgic when I look back at pictures of my kids when they were tiny.  A part of me longs to go back to that time and experience my precious little babies again but I remind myself that my kids will only be the age they are at now for a very short time and there will come a time when I will wish I could go back and experience them being 12 and 14 years old again.  So I might as well stay present and enjoy every single minute!

When security is dependent upon other people or things that exist in the material world like money, cars and houses, we will never feel completely safe and secure in this world because those are all things that can be taken away.  In order to achieve lasting peace and contentment without fear, we must develop a sense deep within ourselves that no matter what, even if everything in our lives disappears tomorrow, we will be okay and capable of being happy again.

The only thing we know for sure is that change is inevitable and that nothing in the physical world lasts forever.  Once we are able to welcome, celebrate and embrace change we will find ourselves in a much more content, peaceful and joyful state of being.

Pema Chödrön says in her book "When Things Fall Apart", that in order to achieve this level of enlightenment, we must stop running from fear.  We must invite fear in and make friends with it.  Look fear in the eye and examine it from every angle.  I decided to take it a step further and offer it a sandwich.  Once you do this you realize that fear doesn't have all that much power when you aren't busy running away from it.  That the idea of what you are afraid of is so much worse that the reality.

Ultimately, I think the greatest fear of almost every single human is not being good enough.  We spend our lives running around trying to prove to ourselves and to everyone else that we are enough through our achievements, degrees, material items, appearance, and sometimes even through our children.  We present all of these things to the world as if to say, "See? I'm smart, I'm successful, and my children are fabulous so that must mean that I'm worthy and loveable."  This is all driven by our egos who desperately need that reassurance.  But what happens when we lose everything that reassures us that we are good enough?  We fall apart.  The good news is that we can put ourselves back together stronger, wiser and without fear.

Sometimes when your life falls apart, it's exactly what you need to get you to wake up.  I have learned that things will only resolve once you have learned whatever was intended for you to learn.  Pain of any kind indicates that something needs your attention.  Both physical and emotional pain are indications of an imbalance within the mind/body/spirit and until they can come back into balance, your challenges will remain.

In the past, my identity and self-worth in it's entirety was completely dependent on being perfect (perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend, perfect everything) and on pleasing everyone - everyone except myself.  I did not feel free to express my true self for fear of being judged or criticized.  I hid behind my false facade of "perfection" but deep down I lived in fear of being found out.  I had no idea who I was without those labels and that terrified me.

When I got sick, being perfect went out the window.  Chronic illness is like announcing to the world, "I'm a total failure".  I felt vulverable, exposed and terrified.  I wanted desperately for something, anything to hide behind but the fact was that I wasn't even recognizable to myself or to those around me.  Everyone, including me, just wanted the old Liz back but deep down I knew she was gone - and that terrified me even more. Ultimately, the old Liz couldn't have survived much longer.  Things needed to change, that much was clear.

When I started writing, I felt a sense of joy I hadn't felt in a very long time.  I felt like writing and helping others heal was what I was born to do.  I felt like I was finally introduced to my true self, my essence, and for the first time I felt a calling and I knew my purpose.  I'm not sure why I stopped but it has become clear to me that in order to heal fully, I need to keep writing - even if nobody reads it!

Embedded within each present moment is an opportunity to look at things differently, to turn arrows into flowers and tragedy into expansion, allowing for transformation, renewal and release.  Every single moment offers us this great gift and it's up to us to seize upon it and allow miracles to flow through us, just as they are designed to do.

When it comes to battling Chronic Lyme Disease, or any other chronic disease, maintaining a positive, optomistic state of mind is absolutely critical.  It's understandable that you will experience a dark day here and there given that you just don't feel well most of the time.  But when those down days start to add up and turn into weeks, depression can set in and it can be hard to shake.  It's frustrating when you aren't seeing the results you had hoped for or when you can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I realize now that I had been ignoring a key part of my recovery: addressing and removing emotional blocks and subconscious beliefs that are no longer serving me.  I also believe that the healing my dad purchased for me was instrumental in leading me to that information.  I encourage anyone out there who is struggling with chronic illness to read Amy Scher's book or at least do some research on the power of the mind and the effect our emotions and beliefs have on our physical state.  It's a fascinating subject and one that cannot be ignored when trying to restore one's health and wellness.  It's not something that works overnight but over time it can make a huge difference in your recovery process.  I feel like it's already making a huge difference for me.

Catastrophic Blessings

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, 

perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. 

Let him step to the music which he hears, 

however measured or far away." 

                                                               - Henry David Thoreau

"They [conformists] think society wiser than their soul, 

and know not that one soul, and their soul, is wiser than the whole world...

Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members....

Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist.... 

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind." 

                                                                      - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life responds with challenges when we allow fear to guide us instead of trusting our own intuition to lead us in the right direction. Life gets messed up when we mistake fear for intuition.  Fear and intuition cannont co-exist.  They are in constant competition to overide the other.  The key to life is to block all fear, listen only to our intuition and follow its instructions. 

Sometimes it takes a catastrophic event (or series of events) to wake us the hell up and get us to realize that we are headed down a life path that was not meant for us. When something happens in your life, good or bad, that makes you rethink absolutely everything - every thought, every belief, every relationship - pay very close attention. These moments are not be ignored or denied. If taken seriously, they have the potential to act as a springboard, launching us toward transformative revolutionary change. This is what we live for! This is life in all of its glorious, infuriating beauty. 

When faced with these situations, out first reaction is usually fear because for most of us, change can be terrifying and we resist it; however, we must transcend ALL fear and summon with all of our might the most courageous version of ourselves. No matter what it takes, we must look fear squarely in the eye and be brave even if our instinct is to cower in the corner or run screaming from the room. Because in the end, these moments are what it all comes down to. These are the moments that matter.  

Innovation, change, new ideas and differing opinions are the natural born enemies to the way things are. Disrupting status quo takes strength, perseverance, compassion and courage. Naysayers come out of the woodwork trying to discourage and disrupt, making it necessary, even imperative, to remain steadfast and focused on intention. If intention is clear and pure and true, not even the most determined naysayer will affect your resolve to stay the course.

To conform is to insult your own soul.  Conformity is a betrayal of self and erodes the soul little by little...it's not sustainable and can have disastrous consequences. Why should we spend this one life that we have been given doing, saying and being what others want and expect of us when it leads do nothing but misery, pain and disappointment? Be still. Listen to yourself. The answers are all there waiting for you to access their wisdom. 

Oftentimes, life can appear overly complicated. Distraction is everywhere, by design. The happiest, most productive, successful people learn to avoid distraction by taking a moment every single day to be still and listen. This is really what mediation is, at its core. Distraction is the exact opposite of meditation.  To meditate is to connect to your own intuition and just listen. Once you listen, you learn the truth. And truth equals happiness. Truth is love.

Life is just a series of endless distractions until one day you realize something that changes everything..you finally recognize that the spaces between the distractions is where the magic happens. And that's all it takes - that one epiphany - to change a life forever.

Once we stop being afraid of things that reside in the dark - things like pain, loneliness, suffering, imperfection and judgement - they no longer hold any power over us and we are free to live a life without boundaries or expectation. A life full of joy and purpose. A life full of connection but without fear of anything that might hold us back from revealing to the world who we really are. That's the kind of world I want to live in - one in which everyone gives themselves and others permission to live this way. Imagine the possibilities...

If You Change The Way You Look At Things...

"If you change the way you look at things,

the things you look at change."

             - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer 

Why do we continue to hold onto the idea that knowingly and intentionally offending groups of people will result in unification and peace??? It makse zero sense to me.  In fact, it does quite the opposite- it creates MORE division, more anger, more resentment, more hatred - everything that we say we don't want.  If we aren't willing to be open to new ways of looking at the world and how to improve it, things will never change.

A few days ago, I posted something on Facebook about the fact that U.S. National Women's Soccer Team member Megan Rapinoe had kneeled for the second time during the national anthem prior to their game on Sunday.  I wrote that it was disappointing to me that she had made this choice which I felt was disrespectful and offensive to many.  

Acutely aware that this is a controversial and highly charged subject, I was prepared for the fact that there would be comments from people who do not agree - which in all honesty I actually welcome because I am very conscious of the fact that being open to other ways of looking at things can often lead to personal expansion and growth.  I always ask myself if perhaps there is something that hadn't occured to me or if listening to another perspective would allow me to see the issue differently.  I am receptive to exploring other opinions and changing mine if I become enlightened and realize that perhaps I've been narrow minded or unfair.

But after reading the comments, I was left feeling frustrated that my thoughts on the subject were misunderstood and that because I didn't agree with Megan's methodology that somehow this translated to my failing to recognize the severity and significance of the issue or that I must not have understood how brave she was to stand up for somehing she believed in so strongly.  This could not be farther from the truth.  I deleted the post and the thread because it was obviously not conveying what I had intended it to convey.  My apologies to any of you that were offended.

So to clarify, while I believe without hesitation that Megan's heart is definitely in the right place on this issue, the fact that she cares so much is commendable and what she did was indeed a brave thing to do, I also think her actions were misguided and will only result in more of the same.  

It occurs to me that we find ourselves living in a society where looking at things differently from mainstream thinking is so foreign that many people can't wrap their brains around it.  Thinking outside the box means just that - it's the idea that doing something different than what has always been done before might be a better option if we want to achieve different results.  "Group thinking" or "herd mentality" is so powerful that it can easily cloud one's thinking and essentially block out one's innate abilty to problem solve from a perspective of abstract thought and personal imagination. 

My whole point was this: if you knowingly and intentionally take a stand on an issue by doing something that attract lots of attention by offending another group or groups of people, by definition you are not acting as an instrument of peace.  Instead you are acting as an instrument of polarization which not only does nothing to solve the problem at hand but also leads to even more anger, hatred, resentment and division.  I think the time has come to unite the country, not divide it.  

I look around at the condition of not only our nation, but our entire world and I am terrified for our children and grandchildren and for all of the future generations to come.  I see extreme violence, racism, dishonestly, inolerace and corruption that plagues every single government agency and instituion at every level.  I see mainstream media outlets, federal agencies and medical communities that are controlled by pharmaceutical companies and big corporations whose only concern is creating more patients and lining their own pockets.

I see the buyout of Monsanto by Bayer this week and wonder how much worse our food supply could possibly get and what that means to all Americans in terms of health and wellbeing.  I see issues with our water supply, pesticides, forced vaccinations and constant exposure to toxins everywhere we go that are wreaking havoc on not only our bodies, but on our minds as well.

I see people being treated poorly and without compassion.  I see a constant focus on "selfies" and materialism and the "what's in it for me?" mentality instead of "how may I serve?".  The message that our kids are getting is not going to lead them down the road to happiness and contentment - it's a disaster in the making as far as I'm concerned.  We are focusing on the wrong things and until there is a major shift in consciousness, nothing is ever going to change.  

There is an intolerable amount of suffering everywhere and it's not just about one issue - it's much much bigger than just one issue.  In order to create change, we must bring light into the darkness and offer love in the face of rage, hatred and discontent.  In the presence of compassion, understanding and tolerance only peace remains.

We have to recognize that we need more constructive ways to make our voices heard, to stand up for what we believe in - and we must be respectful and tolerant of the beliefs and feelings of others.  To have an attitude of, "I don't care who I offend" no mater how virtuous and pure your intentions might be is counterproductive and will only result in more separation when what our world desperately needs is the complete opposite.  Offending more people is not the answer!

This is just my opinion obviously and I certtainly don't have all of the answers - but I challenge everyone to think of ways to improve our country and our world by doing things that are unprecedented and extaordinary instead of just doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results - which, I believe, is the very definition of insanity.

Follwoing the Herd Never Ends Well

"If you follow the herd, you'll end up stepping in shit."

           - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, I Can See Clearly Now 

When I was in Kindergarten, I was a table for Halloween.  My Aunt Bibby, as we call her, made my costume for me.  My mom was the oldest of five girls and Bib is her youngest sister.  Growing up, Aunt Bib was more like a big sister to me because of the age difference between her and my mom - when I was born she was only around 11 or 12 years old.

As the first grandchild in a big family of five girls, there was much excitement when I was born.  I was showered with attention from everyone, especially Bibby and naturally she became my favorite.  

Bibby loved kids, especially babies, and she took her role as my aunt very seriously.  My grandparents lived about 30 minutes away so my mom would bring me up to visit them quite frequently.  If Bib knew we were coming, she would race home from school to see us and brag to all of her friends about her new baby niece waiting for her at home.  My mom used to tell me how Bib would burst through the door and completely take over my care, even expertly changing my diapers with intense precision, the safety pin dangling from her lips, folding thet thick, white cloth just so, treating this mundane task as if it was the most important job on the planet.  

Bibby was also very creative and as I got older she insisted on making all of my Halloween costumes.  The table was the first of many memorable get ups including a Rubix cube and a Hershey's bar.  Of course, Bib's creations never failded to steal the show.  

I remember the table costume vividly.  Bib was so excited and had spent weeks designing and creating her masterpiece but she wanted to surprise us - I don't even think my mom knew what I was going to be until Bibby showed up with it the day before Halloween. Well, let me tell you, this table costume was a work of art.  No detail had been left undone, down to the beautiful white table cloth, place settings, plates, wine glasses and the "piece de resistance", a giant turkey just waiting to be carved.  I wish I had a picture of it - words just do not do it justice.  It almost made you want to take a seat and dig in!  

Sure enough, the next day at school, guess who was selected to lead the parade through town?  You got it - the table was the hit of the entire celebration!!  I will never forget the feeling of sheer joy and overwhelming pride as, at 6 years old, I led the entire school through the streets of our small community.  It was a memorable moment that made a lasting impression, a moment that has stayed with me all these years.  

The reason I tell this story is because when I relive that moment I realize how free I was back then.  I wasn't worried about standing out, looking silly or making a fool of myself.  I never doubted that everyone would love my costume as much as I did.  I had no voice inside my head worrying about being made fun of or whether I'd be the only kid wearing a homemade, giant cardboard box costume when everyone else was wearing storebought Disney character costumes.  I completly embraced the fact that I stood out from all the rest of the kids and enjoyed every minute of being in the spotlight.

I was thinking about this the other day and I realized that as I got older, something changed and at some point I decided that standing out was not a good thing and that the thing to do was to fit in.  Blend.  Be myself but only if being myself meant being cool and doing what everyone else was doing, saying, and wearing. Obvioudly I know I'm not alone in this - as we get older and more aware we all become much more self-conscious and concerned with fitting in.  But as I thought about it more,  it occurred to me that maybe it's more than just a nutural maturation process, maybe kids feel the need to fit in because we tell them they should.  

I wondered...what if society, parents, teachers, the media and everyone else stopped sending the message to children that in order to be okay, they need to fit in?  What if kids got a different message that said something more along the lines of "striving to fit in and be like everyone else is the equivalent of choosing to be ordinary - why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary?"  How did being ordinary ever become a good thing?

Admittedly, kids  definitely hear alll the time things like "just be yourself" and "don't be afraid to be different" but the problem is that these are just empty words that don't convey to a child how to actually go about doing that in a world that encourages selfies, plastic surgery and fashion trends.  The overwhelming message they are getting is quite the opposite of encouraging them to embrace who they are.  We don't even give them a chance to figure that out before we start barragomg them with messages of conformity.

We need to ask ourselves why we are, as a society, so completely obsessed with looking, acting and thinking like everyone else.  There is so much pressure to conform that we are often afraid to share new ideas or express differneces of opinion for fear of being judged.  Societal pressure is tough, and it's not just kids who are affected.  Adulst, too, are so quick to criticize, and in some cases even ostracize, those who voice opinions that are not mainstream or that go against popular belief.  We are taught not to question autihority, to just go along to get along and to not make waves.  But is this really the recipe for a life filled with happiness and fulfillment?

I ask you, is this really the message we should be sending to our future generations?  Is this the way to encourage growth, expansion and innovation?  To just copy and to conform to what everyone else is doing? 

Picture the entire world as a giant jigsaw puzzle and we are all pieces of that puzzle.  Yes, it's true that all of the pieces are more alike than different but it's also true that it's the differences that work together to create the picture when all is said and done.  Without the slight variations in shape and color of the individual pieces, it would look like a giant pile of identical puzzle pieces that was virtually meaningless.

E.E. Cummings wrote, "To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight - and never stop fighting."

 As parents, we never want our children to feel left out or like they don't belong and for this reason I think we tend to encourage conformity versus individuality.  We are all guilty of it and it comes from a place of love - we just want our kids to be happy and we want them to avoid being teased or treated badly in any way.  

I am definteily guilty of this as well.   I have three children, a fourteen year-old boy and twin 11 year-old girls.  Fom the beginning they all had three very distinct personalities. When our kids were little, we belonged to a country club with a specific dress code.  Early on, I would revel in dressing them all up in cute little coordinating outfilts, especially the girls.  But soon it became clear that the days of picking out my kids clothes was over and the dress code at the club became the bane of my existence.  

I look back at the days of crying fits, forcing collared shirts and dresses over my kids heads and shoving uncomfortable dress shoes on their little wriggling feet and see the humor in it now - but at the time it was anything but funny - it was sheer agony!  I remember thinking, why can't my kids just wear the nice clothes like all of the other kids without complaint?  Why can't my kids just be normal?

As it turns out, my daughters are not girly girls - they are complete tomboys just like I was.  Go figure!  The idea of wearing a dress, skirt or even somehing that does not resemble athletic attire is completly offensive to them.  We finally started to wonder if it was worth it to go through the same battle every time and wasting money on clothes our children hated.  We decided that it was indeed NOT worth the battle and that only under exteme circumstances would we insist that the kids dress up in "fancy clothes", which for the girls means that their shirt does not have a giant Nike swoosh spashed across the front.  

Recently, I found out that some of the girls' friends had signed up for 6th grade cotillion (which I had been forced to do as a kid) and although I was pretty sure I knew what the answer would be, I asked them if they wanted to do it.  Since their best friends were doing it I thought maybe their decision would be swayed.  Nope.  There will be no cotillion for our daughters.  The mimute they found out what was required (i.e. dresses and uncomfortable shoes) they did not even hesitate before declining my offer.  

Although I wasn't surprised, there was a part of me that felt that familiar pang of worry that they would feel left out and regret their decision.  Should I force them to do it like my mother did?  I even worried that if they didn't do cotillion they would never learn the etiquette of a proper young lady or how to ballroom dance with a boy.  I envisioned them dancing at their weddings and stepping all over their new husbands' feet - and then I reemembered somehing very important: I took cotillion.  My husband loves to tell the story about how even after dragging him to dance lessons, I still insisted on leading - which lead to a pretty disastrous first dance.  (Luckily, not many people saw it because everyone had beelined it to the bar but that's a story for another time!)

Lately, I have really been trying to catch myself when I start thinking this way.  I focus on encouraging my kids to listen to their own voice and think for themselves.  Yes, there are times when there is no way around it and we need to just go along with the program out of respect or for certain special occasssions like weddings or graduations.  But overall, both my husband and I try not to force our kids to do anything unless absoltuely necessary.  We revel in their individuality and encourage them to express themselves exactly as they are, miraculous little humans who are perfect and lovable just the way they are.  After all, if you follow the herd, you are bound to step in poop.  Avoid the herd!

The Illusion of Obligation: Saying Goodbye to "Should's" and "Have To's"

"The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation
 to dinner without giving an excuse."

                                                                           - Jules Renard, The Journal of Jules Renard

When your world unexpectedly falls apart, it's an opportunity to put your life back together, piece by piece, deliberately and with intention, discarding the things that no longer fit (or never actually did).  But this time the materials with which the foundation of your life is built are hand-selected by you and only you - and therefore indestructible.  There is nothing in your life, including people, who are there because they 'should be' or 'have to be', or because you feel like you have no choice but to include them.  In your newly constructed existence, there is no such thing as an obligatory action or person.  

To me, this is true freedom and in being free, the potential for happiness is exponential and limitless.  Ultimately, the human spirit longs for that freedom...and although we don't always realize it, the powerful influences of society and the people around us, although well-intended most of the time, are in direct opposition to the fulfillment of this longing for freedom virtually from the moment we are born.  

It's difficult at first to accept that we do have a choice, that we do in fact have total control over our own destiny.  We resist by saying, "But I have to do this" and "I am obligated to do that" - but I would argue that this is just an illusion that we are gradually taught to buy into from our first days on earth.  By the time we become adults this illusion of obligation has become our perceived reality and we fully believe it to be true.

When you experience a catastrophic event and the world as you know it crumbles around you, you are often the recipient of some pretty earth-shattering insights.  The most significant for me was that I was putting an insane amount of pressure on myself to do things I didn't really want to do but felt I had no choice but to do them.  I was allowing friends to choose me, instead of the other way around, and I felt unable to say no, to set boundaries and to be honest about my needs.  I craved acceptance and would sacrifice my own well being in order to avoid judgement or criticism from the people around me.

Basically, I had a set of long-established beliefs about myself, about others and about life itself that I was one-hundred percent committed to and never thought to question.  I was shocked to find out that most of the beliefs that had been guiding me for 43 years were basically incorrect, based upon the false premises, assumptions and opinions of others.

Even though living with Lyme, or chronic illness of any kind, can often make you feel like a prisoner in your own body, ironically I have never felt more free.  As I have slowly put my life back together, piece by piece, I realize how much of  it was being lived according to other people's ideas and opinions about what I should do or what I had to do and how many decisions or choices were made based upon guilt and/or perceived false beliefs.  

The problem with that approach is multi-dimensional.  First, if you feel forced to do something, whether it be a family obligation or having lunch with someone you don't enjoy, your lack of authenticity will always shine through...and everyone loses.  When you are being genuine, people feel it and respond with appreciation and warmth.  But when there is no feeling behind your gesture, they feel that too and respond accordingly - and you end up feeling unappreciated, drained and annoyed.  Lose-lose.  

No more.  Now I give myself permission to do only the things I want to do, things that I feel inclined to do on a gut level.  If it doesn't feel right, if my ego is involved in any way, I don't do it.  Period.  And let me tell you, it's a HUGE relief.

When you live your life from a place of love and compassion, doing what you truly want to do and being honest about the things you don't want to do while setting appropriate boundaries with others, your life improves exponentially.  It's a win-win.  I highly recommend it, not only for your emotional well-being but for your physical health as well.  The mind-body connection cannot be ignored - it's so powerful!