"I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Maya Angelou (1928-2014)
What motivates you?
This question may be more important than you realize and may actually have a direct impact on the achievement of a desired outcome. If your motivation is ego-based, you may not get what you truly desire. On the other hand, if your motivation is purely derived from unconditional love and the desire to assist, teach, or inspire others, chances are that you will have a much higher likelihood of obtaining what you truly want, which may take many forms but always ultimately boils down to happiness.
As humans, we are designed to desire certain things - it's in our DNA. We all want to feel loved unconditionally, accepted for exactly who we are, heard, appreciated, acknowledged and understood - and we all want to be seen. It occurs to me that perhaps we sometimes go about getting what we want in a way that seems perfectly obvious and intuitive but in reality leads us in the opposite direction. We end up feeling frustrated, depressed, hopeless and lonely, asking ourselves what went wrong. We had such good intentions so why aren't they being received in the way we wanted or expected?
Perhaps the reason is something we can't experience with our five senses...perhaps it's all about the energy behind the motivation, that elusive feeling that fuels an intention which leads us to act in a certain way. For example, if someone does something nice for you but they are doing it out of obligation or to avoid feeling guilty, doesn't that feel a lot different than if someone does the exact same act out of kindness and love without expectation of anything in return? We may not even be consciously aware that we are picking up on the nuances of each situation, but ultimately we are much more likely to appreciate the latter.
I think there are people who go through life not realizing that the reason they often feel unappreciated, unheard, unloved, etc. is simply a reflection of that phenomenon. They do and say all of the right things expecting respect and appreciation in return and when that doesn't happen they become frustrated, angry and fraught with self-pity. What they don't realize is that other people can feel the energy that fuels the intention and that energy will directly impact their reaction to it.
I think this applies to all aspects of life, including parenthood. As a parent, if you encourage your child to do something that you think will bring them joy, that child can feel it on a very visceral level . On the other hand, if your motivation as a parent is more ego-based, for example wanting your child to succeed in order to feed your ego or make you feel better about yourself, your child feels that too - and it's not a positive or empowering feeling.
In my opinion, too many parents view their children as extensions of themselves. They are much too invested in the successes and failures of their kids and don't allow them enough autonomy to make their own choices and to deal with consequences of those choices, good or bad. I think this can be very dangerous because it puts way too much pressure on kids to make their parents happy instead of following their own path. Successes become shared successes and failures are often devastating, leading to depression, low self-esteem and prevents kids from becoming self-sufficient. Parents are not for leaning - they are to make leaning unnecessary.
Ultimately, if our actions are dependent on a specific outcome, whether it be appreciation, reciprocation, respect, or even just a thank you, our efforts often won't be well received and we will end up disappointed and confused.
I think the key is to try to live life from your heart, with an open mind and no expectations of any kind. To quote Dr. Wayne Dyer, "Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing."
We cannot underestimate the power of what we cannot see...in my opinion, it's everything.
This question may be more important than you realize and may actually have a direct impact on the achievement of a desired outcome. If your motivation is ego-based, you may not get what you truly desire. On the other hand, if your motivation is purely derived from unconditional love and the desire to assist, teach, or inspire others, chances are that you will have a much higher likelihood of obtaining what you truly want, which may take many forms but always ultimately boils down to happiness.
As humans, we are designed to desire certain things - it's in our DNA. We all want to feel loved unconditionally, accepted for exactly who we are, heard, appreciated, acknowledged and understood - and we all want to be seen. It occurs to me that perhaps we sometimes go about getting what we want in a way that seems perfectly obvious and intuitive but in reality leads us in the opposite direction. We end up feeling frustrated, depressed, hopeless and lonely, asking ourselves what went wrong. We had such good intentions so why aren't they being received in the way we wanted or expected?
Perhaps the reason is something we can't experience with our five senses...perhaps it's all about the energy behind the motivation, that elusive feeling that fuels an intention which leads us to act in a certain way. For example, if someone does something nice for you but they are doing it out of obligation or to avoid feeling guilty, doesn't that feel a lot different than if someone does the exact same act out of kindness and love without expectation of anything in return? We may not even be consciously aware that we are picking up on the nuances of each situation, but ultimately we are much more likely to appreciate the latter.
I think there are people who go through life not realizing that the reason they often feel unappreciated, unheard, unloved, etc. is simply a reflection of that phenomenon. They do and say all of the right things expecting respect and appreciation in return and when that doesn't happen they become frustrated, angry and fraught with self-pity. What they don't realize is that other people can feel the energy that fuels the intention and that energy will directly impact their reaction to it.
I think this applies to all aspects of life, including parenthood. As a parent, if you encourage your child to do something that you think will bring them joy, that child can feel it on a very visceral level . On the other hand, if your motivation as a parent is more ego-based, for example wanting your child to succeed in order to feed your ego or make you feel better about yourself, your child feels that too - and it's not a positive or empowering feeling.
In my opinion, too many parents view their children as extensions of themselves. They are much too invested in the successes and failures of their kids and don't allow them enough autonomy to make their own choices and to deal with consequences of those choices, good or bad. I think this can be very dangerous because it puts way too much pressure on kids to make their parents happy instead of following their own path. Successes become shared successes and failures are often devastating, leading to depression, low self-esteem and prevents kids from becoming self-sufficient. Parents are not for leaning - they are to make leaning unnecessary.
Ultimately, if our actions are dependent on a specific outcome, whether it be appreciation, reciprocation, respect, or even just a thank you, our efforts often won't be well received and we will end up disappointed and confused.
I think the key is to try to live life from your heart, with an open mind and no expectations of any kind. To quote Dr. Wayne Dyer, "Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing."
We cannot underestimate the power of what we cannot see...in my opinion, it's everything.
